Ask Tom: Girlfriend vs. Hook-up?

So, this is a little different! I figured instead of me just writing “love advice” that everyone has probably heard too often… that I would ask Tom instead! It’s always interesting to get things from a guy’s point of view, because quite frankly they just see things differently than we do! I’ll start off by asking Tom some questions that my own friends have asked him before… and if you have any questions you’d like to ask regarding your own situations, please message me and I’ll get an answer for you! Well, here we go… the first official Ask Tom!

Q: Obviously your looks caught Tom’s attention in the beginning, but what made him actually want to settle down and seriously date you? What qualities do you think make a girl “girlfriend material” and not just “hook up material”?

 Well to be honest, Rachel made this question easy to answer because she is the furthest from “hook up material”, and I mean that as a compliment. But, obviously there were certain things that I noticed that definitely helped place her in the “girlfriend” category:

1. Don’t be overly flirty on the first date.

One of the first things I noticed and was really into about her was that she wasn’t overly flirty on the first date. This is important! It’s easy to think that a guy wants you to be really flirty to show your interest. That’s completely false. The guy that’s ‘boyfriend material’ will respect you more if you don’t decide to be overly flirty. Instead, be attentive, ask questions, and most of all…listen. Trust me, the guy will reciprocate.

2. Be honest, ALWAYS.

Honesty…more difficult for some than others, however this is vital to being “girlfriend material”. A guy always prefers an honest girl, even to his disappointment at times, as opposed to one that “fibs” to make herself sound better. Be honest, be vulnerable, be real. Us guys love and connect with that.

3. Don’t rush the physical stuff.

Whatever you do, DO NOT do anything too early…you know what I’m referring to. But outside of that, even something innocent like holding hands…there’s plenty of time. I know some girls feel that they need to “do stuff” in order to keep the guy interested…this is false, contrary to popular belief. He will be more interested in you long term if you don’t rush into physical stuff. He needs to respect you to see you as someone long-term. If he makes you feel rushed, he’s probably not boyfriend material either!

4. Talk about something with substance.

Something Rachel and I were quick to cover were things that really matter, i.e. values and morals. These are “life” things that will come up later down the road. This shows the guy you have substance, are grounded, and it deepens your connection.

5. Be ok with doing nothing sometimes.

Something I found with Rach is that we enjoy doing nothing together…that may seem like a bizarre concept but it’s true. Doing nothing takes the pressure off always having to find new things to do. Sometimes a nice glass of wine and a favorite Netflix show is better than a night full of activities. I find that in those moments you can both slow down, chat about real things, and be vulnerable. I mention this a lot because it’s key to friendship and the relationship. You both have to share in order to bond. If he sees you the same as every one else out there, then what differentiates? Trust him with your imperfections, if he’s the one he’ll learn to love them.

6. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

Being genuine kind of links with honesty but I want to emphasize it. As you can tell, I’m all about being real. Being genuine is crucial, whatever version of that is, but be you. The right guy will fall for you, not who you pretend to be.

I hope this helps!